Lately I’ve come across several lists of reasons not to have children. I find it very sad and telling that nearly all of the authors’ reasons are based in immaturity, materialism, myths, and misconceptions. We'll soon learn how hypocritical this statement is. Yes, children require work, money and personal sacrifice, but these are all things we do willingly because we love them. These are joyful sacrifices for a worthwhile cause. If you want them.
Please understand that I am not criticizing those who do not have children, particularly those who struggle with infertility. You just did judge by calling those who don't want children immature and materialistic. I am also not suggesting that you or I should have children just so that we can save some bucks when it’s time to file taxes, or use the stork space in the grocery store parking lot. My point is that children are a blessing and a delight, not a burden to be avoided at all costs. Again, if they are wanted.
1. Have a happier marriage. This will only work if your marriage is already happy. If you have an unhappy marriage, adding kids into the mix will more than likely lead to divorce.
2. Pay less income taxes. And we're materialistic, right?
3. Learn to share, and like it. They teach you this in pre-school and kindergarten.
4. The ultimate diet plan: morning sickness and breastfeeding. That sounds similar to what an anorexic person's diet may be.
5. Enjoy snuggles on demand, around the clock. Get a dog or get a teddy bear.
6. Cuteness abounds. Get a pet, real or stuffed!
7. Disposable diapers. There. I said it. Okay...
8. Receive preferential treatment in grocery lines. In what city? Where I live, nobody gets special treatment.
9. Be seated first (or last, if you prefer) on planes. That's called entitlement.
10. Park in the "stork" space at grocery stores. Actually, some people already do that without kids. I don't, but I don't have a car to begin with.
11. Have an excuse to buy cool toys and cute little outfits. If you have your own money, you shouldn't need an excuse to buy anything you want. Just get it! And if you want to play dress-up, get a baby doll, a Barbie doll or an American Girl doll!
12. Children will love you on your worst day, and…
13. they think you’re beautiful, even on bad hair days,
14. or when you’re not wearing makeup. Because they know saying "nice" things makes Mommy happy. Wait until they become teenagers...
15. Free entertainment: kids are hilarious. Find a comedy show!
16. Laughter is good for your health. See above. Again, find a comedy show.
17. Have family still living when you’re old. That's assuming your kids do outlive you and that they're even around.
18. Have someone to help you when you’re old. Again, assuming they will even be around.
19. Grandkids! More assumption. What if your child(ren) doesn't want kids?
20. Have someone to help care for your pets. And we're the immature ones, right?
21. But who needs pets? Kids are way cuter, and they last longer. Not in my opinion and the "cuteness" really doesn't last that long.
22. Unlike pets, kids eventually learn to take care of their own poop. Apparently, this person has never heard of severe autism.
23. Get a lollipop every time you go to the bank, along with your children. Whenever I go to the bank, I take a lollipop and the staff doesn't bat an eyelash. The lollipops are for anyone who wants one.
24. Tone your arms the old-fashioned way: tote a toddler. So kids are exercise tools, now?
25. Kids eat free at many restaurants. Under the age of 12 and after 4 PM. I believe there are also limits in some restaurants. They only eat free if you order certain meals.
26. Have an excuse to buy junk food. Again, if you have your own money, you don't need an excuse to buy anything. I have no problem buying chocolate when I want it.
27. Sharing your junk food means less stays on your own hips. Or you could skip junk food altogether (I'm assuming this refers to dieting).
28. Children will eat and appreciate your failed cooking experiments. Riiiiggghhht. Because we all know kids always eat what they're served (sarcasm).
29. Embarrass your kids. You won’t believe how fun it is. Displays of affection with your spouse work well for this. I reiterate: we're the immature ones, right?
30. Be better able to encourage other parents during rough times with their children because you’ve been-there-done-that. Yes, because all parenting experiences are exactly the same.
31. Blow bubbles. No kids necessary. I have a bottle of bubbles in my school locker. Nobody cares.
32. Give your friends somewhere to send their kids’ hand-me-downs. Or they could be donated to charity.
33. Burn calories: play with your kids. Or join a gym or start an exercise regimen.
34. Kids will help hone your reactions with obstacle courses on the stairs. Isn't that a safety hazard?! What happens when someone trips over one of the "obstacles", falls down the stairs and injures him/herself?!
35. Save money by not buying birth control. You have got to be kidding me. Birth control is a lot cheaper than kids.
36. Have sex without worrying about pregnancy. It’s fun. I assume this means this person doesn't use birth control and has the mindset of "if it happens, it happens". Really responsible thinking there. (Sarcasm)
37. Ask anyone who has given birth: the pains of labor are worth it. Not always. There are some women who didn't have a second child due to having a terrible labor. And then, there are the women who experience complications during pregnancy and childbirth. I have a post on this blog where I mention a woman who tore an artery. That's more than labor pains.
38. Pregnancy reduces menstrual cramps in subsequent periods. If your cramps are that bad, get some OTC medication or see a doctor.
39. Pregnancy lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.
40. Breastfeeding lowers your risk of breast cancer,
41. and uterine cancer,
42. and osteoporosis. All of these are unproven and my paternal grandmother died of breast cancer.
43. Not using birth control lowers your risk of ectopic pregnancy. Using birth control lowers the risk of any pregnancy.
44. Think pregnancy dooms you to getting fat? Take a look at my mom with her 14 kids. Can you even tell which one she is? "Getting fat" is not all pregnancy does...
45. Pregnancy requires you to eat more. I can appreciate that. Sounds like lack of self-control.
46. Be motivated to be a better person. Little eyes are watching. Anyone who needs to give birth to be motivated to be a better person should not even think about having a child. They should think about getting into therapy.
47. Help raise the languishing birth rate. As of 11/25/12, America's population is estimated to be 314,826,000. I think we're okay.
48. Learn alongside your children. Children aren't a necessity to learn anything.
49. Read books you never would have discovered on your own. Like what? "The Little Engine That Could"? A parenting guide?
50. Reread your childhood favorites with and to a new generation. Once again, no children required. If you want to read to a new generation, work or volunteer at a preschool or kindergarten class.
51. See the world through new, unjaded eyes. Children have a jaded view. It's just different from an adult's view.
52. See yourself through your baby’s eyes. It’s amazing. Don't babies see things in black and white for a period of time?
53. See yourself through your children’s eyes. You’ll never be the same again. What, needed by little dependents you created?
54. See your flaws reflected in your children. It’s enlightening and humbling. Why would you want your children to have your flaws?
55. Kids will make you proud and keep you humble. They will also drive you crazy, make you miserable and make you wish you never had them.
56. If you make a mess while eating, everyone will assume the kids did it. Apparently, kids will also make you childish and unwilling to take responsibility for your own mistakes.
57. Kid will say what you wish you could say, but can’t. Translation: use your kids to be rude.
58. Strengthen your relationship with your own parents by becoming a parent yourself. If your relationship with your parents is bad because you are childless/childfree, there is a huge problem going on and your lack of children is not it.
59. Stay physically active. It’s much harder to be lazy when little ones depend on you. Not necessarily. Some kids are naturally laid-back and would rather sit quietly with a coloring book than run around a playground.
60. Improved immune system. It’s a law of nature: Moms never get sick. This is such nonsense! My own mother got sick plenty of times and occasionally passed it to my sister and I and she happens to have a weakened immune system. My best friend has also told me plenty of times her mother has been sick.
61. If you do get sick, you have someone to take care of you without your spouse taking time off work. Children are not your mandatory caregivers! And if you are severely ill, you should be taken care of by a health professional!
62. Baby smiles. More cuteness that doesn't last.
63. Carrying a baby? Strangers will smile at you. Again, where this person live? And if that's your reason for wanting a baby, get a life-size baby doll! They stay at that size!
64. Babies are also a great conversation starter. So are politics, anime, television, school, work, relationships, technology, clothes, shopping and even the weather.
65. Learn to delight in everyday occurrences. Again, children not required.
66. Translate toddler gibberish with ease for puzzled onlookers. Who more than likely couldn't care less about what it means and just want the toddler to stop babbling.
67. Your own love for your child gives you a small taste of how much God loves His children. This means nothing to an atheist or agnostic.
68. Live vicariously: remember that toy you never got as a child, but you’re too old to want it now? Let your kids try it out. Or just buy the toy for yourself and not care what people think? I have almost all of the Disney Princess movies. Society says I'm "too old" for Disney Princess, but those DVDs are going nowhere.
69. Relive your childhood: remember the toy you did get as a child? Let your kids try it out. Or just play with it yourself. I refer to the bubbles I have in my locker and if I ever find an Etch-a-Sketch, I will snatch it up!
70. Rediscover the joy of crayons. Again, kids aren't necessary. Stop caring what people think and buy the crayons for yourself.
71. Job security: moms have it. Yeah, and, short of child abandonment and illegal means, they're stuck if they decide parenting is not for them.
72. Learn and believe that happiness really doesn’t come from material wealth… I figured this out as a pre-adolescent.
73. …yet be amazed at how much joy you can buy your child with a quarter. When they're still elementary-school age. Most kids over ten want more than a gumball.
74. Kids are cheap. On what planet?!? The estimate for raising a kid for 18 years is $250,000! That is not cheap!
75. Marvel that 2 people can produce children that are better-looking than either parent. Heredity is a strange and wonderful thing. This is called narcissism.
76. Be welcomed home like a returning war hero every time you go grocery shopping or to the post office. And immediately asked what you brought them back.
77. Be looked at like this:
|Much of my family looks at me like that...|
78. Soft little fingers and toes. They’re cute on other people’s children, but utterly priceless on your own children. More cuteness. Cuteness does not last forever with kids.
79. The unbearable cuteness of newborn-size diapers. Umm...what?
80. Discover your super powers: make milk, and heal mortal wounds with a kiss. And apparently, pretend you're a super-human being when you're really just ordinary.
81. Ask any parent you know if they regret having kids. Of course, no parent would admit to regretting having kids. They'd be labeled as a monster if they did! But there are parents who do regret it.
82. Learn to appreciate simple pleasures: ice cream cones, a single M&M, homemade cookies. Once again, children are not necessary to learn this.
83. Do you love your spouse? Experience a miracle: a new person who looks like both of you. One, that's not a "miracle" and two, it's perfectly possible to love your spouse without having a child.
84. After 10 years of children, washing dishes becomes optional. Translation: Let the kids do it.
85. Get special treatment on Mother’s Day. There's also Christmas, your birthday and if you have a partner, your anniversary and Valentine's Day. Heck, I get special treatment just from being a friend.
86. Breakfast in bed is fun, even when it’s cheerios and multi-vitamins. When it's all they can make, yes. Although, I hate breakfast in bed.
87. Experience the triumph of potty training. I'd rather not have to deal with it in the first place.
88. Have the advantage of a youthful memory again: have your kids remind you about important things. More of this "live vicariously/relive your childhood" nonsense. Many kids also have bad memory.
89. Expand your wardrobe: share clothes with your teens. Heck no! The absolute last thing I would ever want is to share clothes with my mother, whether I'm 13 or 18. And that's assuming you and your teen are the same size! My mother couldn't fit my clothes if she tried!
90. Gather candy from the piñata without getting funny looks. Again, stop caring what people think and just take the candy.
91. Have help cooking. Your spouse can do that too.
92. Be a safer driver, Why wait until you have kids to be the safest you can?
93. In a safer vehicle. So even your own safety doesn't matter until you have kids?
94. Free or cheap manicures and pedicures. I pay a dollar. I'd rather paint my own nails, thank you.
95. Ditto for back/shoulder rubs. I prefer a professional massage therapist to sticky hands.
96. Perpetually late? You don’t even have to blame it on the kids. People will assume. What a great example to set for your kids.
97. Vanity? You’ll look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself. Obsession isn't much better.
98. Paint your kids’ nails in a color you like, but could never wear yourself. And why couldn't you wear it yourself? I've worn my nails in multiple colors at once before. So what? If you like it and want it, wear it! Plus, what if your kids don't want their nails painted?
99. Have your bed made for $.25/day. Maid service has never been so cheap or cheerful, and there’s no need to report payments to the IRS. Or do it yourself.
100. If you’ve never had a baby fall asleep on your chest, you just don’t know what you’re missing. I have and while I'll admit it's sweet, it's really not enough to make me want any kids. There are a lot of "special moments" one misses and they're not all kid-related. This is that "kodak moment" crap.
101. Homemade friends. My children are some of my favorite companions. Join a club or join an online forum! Even if you're an extremely shy person (which I myself happen to be), this is a terrible reason to have kids!
102. Kids with money ROCK! They buy their own clothes, treat you to Starbucks, and buy you unbelievable birthday/Christmas gifts. Obviously, this person and her family are privileged. Also, notice she called lists for not having children materialistic, yet she has this reason on her list to have them. See what I mean by hypocrisy?
103. World domination through militant fecundity! [maniacal laughter] Makes no sense.
104. Children are part of God’s purpose for creating marriage:But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring. Again, this means nothing to someone who's an atheist or agnostic and there are many children born to unwed parents.